Thanksgiving Wiped Out By Halloween And Christmas Cartels

Funny story written by rfreed

Wednesday, 24 November 2010

image for Thanksgiving Wiped Out By Halloween And Christmas Cartels
Two turkeys saved by the demise of a holiday

The time honored and highly respected holiday of Thanksgiving was wiped out by the rival gang cartels of Halloween and Christmas this week. For many years the Halloween gang, characterized by bizarre, scary costumes, and the Christmas gang, recognizable their holly colored getups and red Santa hats, have been cutting into Thanksgivings time turf- the month of November.

The Halloween cartel goes big around the end of October, throwing grotesque parties and producing millions of dollars of costumes and candy trade, stealing away a lot of the consumer dollars that would have been spent on Thanksgiving. Ditto for the Christmas gang, only they are even more ruthless, going so far as to overrun Thanksgiving's time slot of November 25th entirely.

The quiet, family oriented Holiday marking the pilgrims survival of their first winter has always been buffeted by the bigger celebrations that take place before and after it. Thanksgiving has always been less commercial than its counterparts and therefore economically weaker. The forces that run the Halloween and Christmas cartels have long lusted after the choice turf that it possesses.

Gangs of strangely clad individuals- skeletons, witches, Darth Vaders, demons and Little Kitties have been seen demolishing early displayed Thanksgiving decorations and spraying graffiti on those too big to take down. The Christmas gang is even more destructive using every means possible to blot out even the idea of Thanksgiving from the public with massive ad campaigns, domination of the media waves and overkill with Christmas motives.

Small, squat individuals bedecked with pointy stocking caps have been captured on video sabotaging Thanksgiving feasts with drive by snowballings. Rude snowmen with pointy carrots in the wrong places have popped up overnight near known Thanksgiving feasts (as well as snowwomen with lumps of coal in the wrong places). Reindeer poop contaminated turkey stuffing has been snuck into the food at these dinners. A warrant has been put out for the shadowy head of the Christmas cartel who hides behind a bushy white beard and fake belly.

There are fears that the violence could get worse. Rumors of mass executions have been reported. At a number of feasts the grisly remains of dismembered turkeys have been found, often with partially gnawed leg bones and rib cages scattered around. Boxes with severed turkey heads have been left at participants doorsteps.

There is fear of the cartels influence growing even larger. Already there is evidence of them blocking out Nativity scenes in an attempt for a total commercial takeover of the Christmas holiday.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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