New Yorkers Select Mini Cooper for New Cab Platform

Written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

image for New Yorkers Select Mini Cooper for New Cab Platform
The Crown Vic Goes Bye Bye, Make Way for the Mini Cooper

Following mayor Bloomberg's appeal to the cab riding public, requests for ideas on an adequate replacement for the Ford Crown Victoria cab standard were met with overwhelming agreement for a bright yellow Mini Cooper in a four door model.

Requiring only minor factory changes to accommodate the rear doors and providing superior handling, performance and mileage, the Mini Cooper was a surprising but environmentally friendly choice. "And it hardly takes up any room on the road", says Bloomberg. "Just by removing the massive Crown Victorias from the road, we cut the cab congestion in the city down by 50% and we more than double up on the mileage, plus cutting the carbon footprint by 50% as well".

Critics don't see how the Mini can accommodate Ney York's serious travelers or larger groups of riders. "But we'll offer minivan options in the city to handle those riders", says Bloomberg, "and the majority of passengers are single or double riders with no luggage. The Mini really makes the best sense."

Early testing in the city has actually produced a few issues. Cabbies seem to enjoy racing the nimble little cars in and around traffic. Several early passengers were seen barfing on the side of the road as a result of being tossed around in the back seat of the Mini, while there were a few incidents of the cars riding up and down Time Square sidewalks. New cab drivers are expected to undergo a psychological exam prior to receiving the keys to the new Mini, though most could not pass the written exam. The questionnaire was printed in English.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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