Intolerance - Not Jumping Off A Bridge - Cause of Rutgers Student Suicide

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Monday, 4 October 2010

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Unfortunately for the two "friends" that thought it'd be cool to secretly stream video of their roommate on the Internet of him in a sexual encounter with another man, police have concluded it was their intolerance, and not the student leaping off the George Washington Bridge, that caused his death.

The two students, both 18, have already been charged with invasion of privacy. The charge carries a penalty of up to five years in prison if they're convicted. Now, Premeditated Murder charges will be lodged, says the Middlesex county prosecutor.

"Clearly, by showing this student making out with another man, it was tantamount to murder," said the prosecutor. "Of course, if the student was, say, getting a hummer from a female stripper, and his friends posted that video, and then he jumped off the GWB, no one would think of him as a victim."

"Thus," he continued, "in order for this to be murder, you must mistakenly presuppose that one should be ashamed of being gay. That seems kinda stupid."

"But hey, Ellen is upset about it, so it must be right."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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