Written by pinxit

Tuesday, 14 September 2010

image for Man survives Yo-Yo suicide attempt
Not Brunel's bridge, but a bridge nonetheless...

Clifton Suspension Bridge, Bristol, UK. Sightseers at Brunel's landmark bridge over the Avon Gorge were stunned when a man calmly stood in front of them and tossed himself off.

"I saw this guy walking along with a huge bundle of rope under his arm. He tied one end to a strut in the middle of the bridge, noosed the other end round his neck and just jumped!" said one horrified eyewitness. "He was plunging feet first. That's when we saw there was a ship passing underneath!"

The man plunged almost the entire 245 ft drop when, to the amazement of onlookers, he hit the ship and suddenly shot back up towards the bridge. According to another tourist, "He was like a human yo-yo! Up down, up down... bonking himself on the bottom of the bridge, falling back down to the ship and zinging back up again. Everyones' heads were going up and down following him, like spectators at a vertical tennis match. It'd have been hilarious... if it wasn't so tragic".

Eventually the man, named by Police as Kenneth Armstrong, was rescued by crew aboard the merchant ship, which had a cargo of bouncy castles on the deck. Police said that he had earlier broken into a nearby shed owned by an Xtreme-Sports Club and unwittingly stolen a bunjee rope.

He was taken to Bristol General Infirmary with bruises and a sore throat. A hospital spokesmen described Armstrong's condition as 'stretchy'.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: suicide

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