Mother of One, 26, Who is Not Fantasia Barrino, Responds to Being Caught Sleeping with Married man By Attempting Suicide

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Wednesday, 11 August 2010

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The 1940 Disney film, FANTASIA, features Mickey Mouse in a segment called "The Sorcerer's Apprentice."

A woman who has admitted to having a sexual relationship with another woman's husband became overwhelmed by the attention it caused and decided to try to kill herself, which would have orphaned her daughter, who turned 9 last week.

Reports say the woman was slipping in and out of consciousness and bleeding after downing an entire bottle of Aspirin and a sleep aid Monday night, according to the 911 call obtained by the press.

Says a male voice on the tape, "An individual took a bottle of Asprin and she is slowly losing consciousness."

When the operator asks if she's alone, he responds. "I'm outside, but somebody is with her inside." When asked if the 26 year-old woman was bleeding, he says, "Yes." He also said she doesn't have a weapon and is not violent.

"She's in the shower. Her family tried to put her in the shower to try to keep her awake until the paramedics get there," the male says to the dispatcher, who responds, "Take her out of the shower and turn the water off."

The woman was rushed to a local hospital that night, where she's currently in stable condition. A police report classified the incident as a suicide attempt.

One of her friends said that she felt "overwhelmed by the divorce action" filed by her on-again, off-again boyfriend, who happens to be married.

The admitted adulturess explains that she believed the married man with whom she had sex was "not happy in his marriage and his heart was not in it."

The adulturess, who attempted to murder herself, self-identifies as a devout Christian. Two of the tenets of her religion are found in the Christian Bible. Exodus 20:13-14 reads: "Thou shalt not Murder. Neither shalt thou commit Adultery."

The woman who claims that public attention was part of the reason she attempted suicide, released a statement for the public's attention:

"(I have) always been an open book. Honesty, self-respect, and personal responsibility are values I wear proudly.

I believed (the married man) when he told me he was not happy in his marriage and his heart was not in it. I believed him when he told me he and (his wife) separated in the late summer of 2009. I believed (the married man) when he told me he lived elsewhere.

He even took me there. One of (the married man's) most redeeming qualities was his complete devotion to his children. I fell in love with (the married man) and believed that he loved me.

We dated on and off for about eleven months. The pressure of the constant media attention was hard on our relationship. I gave inconsistent interviews about the status of her relationship with him because sometimes we were on and sometimes we were off.

When we were on, we spent most of their time together when I was not traveling with work.

I read (the man's wife's) Complaint against him for the first time yesterday. I know some of the allegations in (the wife's) complaint are totally false. There are others I strongly doubt. There is plenty I do not know.

The third Season of American Idol featured Academy Award Winner Jennifer Hudson, who finished in seventh place. The competition was won by singer Fantasia Barrino.

I am heartbroken and sorry for any pain I may have caused.

Yesterday, I was totally overwhelmed by the lawsuit and the media attention. Last night, I was hospitalized. I took an overdose of aspirin and a sleep aid.

My injuries are not life threatening. I was dehydrated and exhausted at the time. I am stable now. I will be released from the hospital soon. I am a fighter and a survivor. This is not the hardest thing I have endured.

I will be stronger, smarter, and better for it. My work has always inspired me and served as a source of strength. My new (artistic product that she sellf for a living) entitled "Back To Me," will be released on August 24th.

I send my praise to God and my eternal gratitude to her fans, friends, and family.

God is good.

(This represents a work of fiction, and any relation to any person living or dead is coincidental.)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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