HEBRON, Ky. - A five-alarm fire roared through the recently-opened 50,000-square-foot, privately-funded Creation Museum today, leaving in ruin a place designed to change minds and rebut the scientific point of view that life on Earth evolved. There were no reported injuries but a wax Moses was melted.
"We've lost just about everything," said Ken Sham, the museum founder. "The fig leaves are toast, the apple is cooked, the Garden of Eden a barbeque pit, and the snake is a shish-kebab. I worked a lifetime to make this happen and now the whole God-damned thing is up in smoke."
Authorities suspect the blaze started on the second floor in the Mount Sinai wing when the burning bush set fire to nearby curtains. The flames then spread quickly to Noah's Ark.
"It went up like a match," said Sham. "We're still missing two lions, two llamas, a couple of red-tailed skinks and a lemming."
Ironically, firemen were aided by the Great Flood exhibit, which doused much of the blaze.
The fire comes on the heels of another tragedy at the museum when last Wednesday an employee drowned after being swallowed by 20-foot waves at the Parting of the Red Sea Exhibit, as visitors watched in horror. The exhibit was closed, but the museum was allowed to stay open pending an OSHA investigation.
Local Evolutionary Biologist C. Gordon Ostertag (University of Cincinnati), a museum opponent since its conception, had this to say about the recent misfortunes to befall the museum:
"I've never really believed in God much. Until now."