Americans Using Up Disproportionate Share of World's Noise

Written by manbrad

Sunday, 5 September 2010

The inhabitants of the United States are using noise at a rate out of all proportion to their numbers. While Americans make up only about 5% of the world's population they are using over 30% of the noise each year. Lawnmowers, leaf blowers, weed whackers, cars, unnecessarily idling diesel engines, have Americans using noise at a rate that will almost certainly result in a crash in noise levels unless new sources are found soon.

Annoying, irritating, stress causing noise is used carelessly and constantly in the U.S. while third world residents rarely hear anything louder than the bark of a dog or the lowing of cattle. At the rates Americans are using noise the typical inhabitant of rural Asia or Africa may never have their quiet Saturday morning shattered by an hour long lawnmowing session, immediately followed by 20 minutes of a weed whacker's cacophonous alternation between a grumbling idle and full-throated whine, and capped by the shrill, unnecessary blast of a leaf blower blowing an almost invisible layer of dust off of a suburban driveway. Not to mention having their afternoon naps interrupted by a neighbor revving his car engine repeatedly while he vainly tries to determine the nature of a problem he has no idea how to fix.

Consuming less noise means sacrifice. While corporate America has done its part by shuttering factories and moving them overseas there there are several ways ordinary Americans can conserve on noise: raking the lawn instead of using a leaf blower, walking instead of driving, turning the TV off instead of yelling over it. All Americans need to do their part to make a world where no one can hear themselves think.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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