Wealthy people choose horses over gas-operated vehicles

Written by Frank Cotolo

Monday, 2 May 2005

DOLITTLE, Texas -- Gas prices rose so high today that even the wealthiest of Texans went back to riding horses for transportation.

P. Myles Millcarrier, billionaire, was first to get on a pony in lieu of his battery of gas vehicles, which he had destroyed. "Hell with 'em," he told reporters as he and his wife, Barklett, put their saddles on their mounts. "Even with all my money I'll be damned if I am paying over three dollars a gallon."

Millcarrier has a fleet of forty limosines. When asked about his private jets, he said, "We won't toss them out just yet but we ain't goin' nowhere far soon."

The Zeke Morrisband family--wealthy for their interests in real estate ever since they purchased the Tower of London from the British governement, followed in Millcarrier's hoofprints, so to speak, and got a herd of horses.

"I have my entire staff riding horses now," said Loren Morrisband, the family treasurer. "No more cars, no more gasoline for us."

Ernest Bickpen, an economist, said that the latest trend in rich people aborting all gasoline vehicles is a sign of deep, intense cheapness. "Somehow," he said, "that three dollar price per gallon hit a nerve in all of Texas' super wealthy community. We knew they were penny wise and dollar foolish to begin with, but this trend proves it is an intense anomoly of their personalities."

Stranger than it might be a psychological twist is the fact that a lot of these Texans are rich because of oil. Len Holdbutter, one of the state's richest oil men, said, "I've had it with oil prices." Holdbutter is also riding horses for transportation today.

Another oil magnate, Renfield Buckwheel, says, "We the rich are gonna get richer no matter what. But, there is always a chance that if we buy too much we will run out of money. So, we are taking to horses that are inexpensive to feed and care for compared to the price of gasoline."

Wealthy people in other states are pondering the switch from gas vehicles to horses. Illinois millionaire Stepford Corrigation said, "It could just be a matter of time before all of us rich people are using horses."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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