God Buys Doublewide in Odessa, Texas

Funny story written by Don Pitts

Thursday, 28 April 2005

image for God Buys Doublewide in Odessa, Texas
God on the deck of his new mobile home in Odessa

Elated by the School Board vote to bring fundamentalist bible teachings to the public schools, God packed his bible, stuffed possum, and framed GED and moved to Odessa, Texas. Made famous by the deadly accurate depiction of red-neck buffoonery in the movie "Friday Night Lights", this nasty oil patch town is just a turd's throw from George W. Bush's Midland, Texas, making this greasewood hell hole the most powerful region on earth.

That stated distance between Odessa and Midland has been validated by numerous thrown turds. They just do that out there. The penchant for turd throwing is suspected to be one reason Bush failed as a baseball team owner.

God is expected to do well in Odessa. The extremely low average education, total lack of aesthetics, low wages and even lower expectations, and lowbrow fanaticism for football make this city one of the most deplorable on earth, and the one most in need of salvation. The public library recently closed because somebody colored all the pages in the book. This is obviously the world's most fertile ground for brainwashing, and the job is nearly complete. Bible classes in the schools should finish the job nicely.

Not that Odessa needs additional religious instruction or less time for educational classes. Everybody out there already gets a $10,000 religious education shoved up their butts a nickel at a time. The average citizen can quote chapter and verse to justify hate crimes, yet can't name the capital of Texas or work long division. The city has the state-supported Odessa College with open admission, and Odessa graduates still can't qualify. The residents are proud of their town's name because it has three syllables, the only such word in their vocabularies, but would shit bricks if anyone ever told them it was named after a godless city in Russia.

God was not available for comment, but as usual, George Bush sure was! "If we are to win the war on terror, we must act like terrorists. They discriminate against women, are intolerant of moderation, keep their people in poverty, and limit education in favor of fundamentalist religious education. I am proud to see our sister turd throwing city meet this challenge. As the bible says" he continued, "the stupid shall inherit the earth, or something like that. The Odessa school board is obviously right on track."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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