Woman Agrees with Men: She Has a Great Rear

Funny story written by Olive Pepper

Thursday, 2 September 2010

image for Woman Agrees with Men: She Has a Great Rear
It has something to do with biology, she's pretty sure

RIDER, Texas-A 24-year-old woman whose rear men have been complimenting for years said today that she thinks the men are right. "You know, I looked at myself in the mirror today and I had to conclude that all these men aren't just giving me some line in the hopes of getting me into their bed. I really do have a great rear."

The woman, Angelina Brushner, says she was always "agnostic" on the attractiveness of her nether region. It wasn't that she thought she had a "flat butt" or a "wide butt," but rather that it was "pretty average."

Now, however, she's convinced she has "a damn good ass."

"I mean, some women can't even fill out their jeans," she says. "While I can definitely fill mine out with style. Men are always looking at my behind. Now that I'm looking at it from their point of view, I see what the attraction is. It's big but not too big. It's round but not too round. It's really just right. So, I can definitely see why so many men want to feel it with their hands. I would definitely want to feel it with my hands if I were a man."

Brushner says she also takes satisfaction in the fact that rear ends like hers are indicative of good health. She points to recent studies that find a correlation between the fat distribution in one's buttocks and one's likelihood of getting type 2 diabetes.

"Apparently it has something to do with the release of hormones, says Brushner, who read about the findings in a recent issue of People magazine, or maybe it was Cosmopolitan.

Not that she's an expert, says Brushner, but it seems that not all fat is bad. If it's distributed a certain way, it can facilitate the release of hormones in such a way that it's good for the well-regulated release of sugar into the blood stream. "So, I guess when men watch me walk down the street and say those things about how they'd like to jump my bones, what they're really saying is, 'We can tell your blood sugar is well-regulated, so we'd like to mate with you and increase the chances of our offspring living a long and healthy life.' It's amazing how biology works, if you think about it."

And Brushner, who is now the number one fan of her buttocks, says she's going to be thinking about it a lot, because she can tell biology is working in her favor.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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