SuBo fanatics launch own lemonade!

Written by Harold Q. Fuey

Saturday, 21 August 2010

image for SuBo fanatics launch own lemonade!
Specially blessed!

Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have today announced that they're entering the soft drinks market with their own brand of lemonade.

Red Scarf Lemonade will initially be available in the US only, but the fanatics hope to find a worldwide distributor for their product soon.

"Every bottle of our lemonade has been individually blessed for absolute pureness!" beamed the chief marketing fanatic. "Only our brand of lemonade is guaranteed to get you a place in Heaven!" she continued.

The lemonade, which will retail at $29.99 for a one litre bottle, is supplied with a free bottle-sized red scarf. "That's our mark of quality! Only Red Scarf Lemonade carries the red scarf!" enthused the senior PR fanatic.

"I just can't get enough of this lemonade!" smiled a fanatic. "Just $29.99 to secure my place in Heaven! Bargain!" continued the deluded fanatic.

However, trouble is on the horizon for the fanatics after purity tests were carried out by the Lemonade Standards Agency. "Our scientists have discovered that Red Scarf Lemonade contains a high level of the banned chemical 'thoughtus suppressium'. This has the effect of suppressing all original thoughts. Prolonged consumption of this chemical will turn the consumer into a bumbling loony incapable of any thoughts at all," confirmed a mad scientist.

A spokesloony for Red Scarf Lemonade denied these claims. "This isn't true at all. We want everyone to have original thoughts, just as long as they're the same as our own," insisted the fanatic.

"Well, I haven't had an original thought in my life so it won't make much difference to me!" said some old dear with an ear trumpet. "But at least the little red scarf is cute!" she continued.

A spokesperson for supermarket giant SupaDupaMart said "we're going to stop selling this stuff. It sells well, but we keep getting old dears with red scarves coming in to our stores trying to bless everyone with the lemonade. They tried to baptise a watermelon with the stuff the other day! Enough is enough!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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