Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have today announced they are to start their own airline. Fanatics Airline Industries Limited (FAIL), to be informally known as Red Scarf Airways, will only fly fanatics to SuBo concerts around the world. The planes, painted red, will fly a red scarf from the tail during flight.
"Our fanatics spent so much time and money following Susan around the world that we decided it would be easier to have our own airline!" smiled the chief executive.
The planes will be first class only. "Our fanatics wouldn't be seen dead in Economy! They may bump into someone they know, who may think they're poor," said another executive. However, the planes will be split into two distinct sections. "We will have a section for the fanatics, and a second section for the wealthy husbands. That way the fanatics don't have to pretend to like their wealthy husbands during the flight," continued the executive.
In-flight entertainment will be available, with a choice of listening to SuBo's CD or watching SuBo's documentary. Fanatics will also have access to free red wool and knitting needles. "They may need to knit an emergency red scarf!" said the chief operating executive.
An at-seat Tacky Gift Shop trolley will operate during the flight, selling a wide range of over-priced crap. "Our new range of cuddly stuffed SuBo dolls should sell well!" laughed the chief financial executive.
The in-flight meal will be 'specially blessed fish & chips' served with a choice of lemonade or Irn Bru. Free lemonade will be available during the flight, along with free 'Depends'. "Too much lemonade gets our fanatics a little excited," grumbled the senior flight attendant.
The pre-flight safety demonstration has been replaced with a prayer session. "Our fanatics will be saved by God if we crash! That's why we've replaced the life jackets with red scarves and prayer books!" confirmed another executive.
All flights will carry a doctor and resuscitation equipment. "Many of our fanatics are well over a hundred years old, so we expect medical issues during the flight. Red Scarf Fever will be the biggest problem, but we can now cure that with a nice purple scarf!" said a doctor.
Flights will begin as soon as SuBo announces another public appearance. "If she doesn't appear anywhere soon we'll have to run our first flight to Blackburn," grumbled the chief executive. "I'm sure she'll give us a private performance if we go knock on her door!" continued the deluded executive.
