President Obama Pledges $600 Million To Help Secure Our Southern Border - He Grins And Adds "And Arizona Ain't Gettin' One Damn Dime!"

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 13 August 2010

image for President Obama Pledges $600 Million To Help Secure Our Southern Border - He Grins And Adds "And Arizona Ain't Gettin' One Damn Dime!"
President Obama talking on the phone to Vice-President Joe Biden regarding Biden's request for a raise.

POCATELLO, Idaho - President Barack Obama was speaking at Pocatello's One Potato Two Potato Palace before a group known as The Pocatello Potato Packers Federation.

He informed them that he had just signed a bill allowing the southern border states of California, New Mexico, and Texas to share in a border securing program package deal worth $600 million.

The president was asked by a reporter for the Fox Network Hugo "Dorky" Lickernips, if he had inadvertently left out mentioning Arizona, which is also a border state.

President Obama laughed. He took a drink of his Diet Peach Tea Snapple, grinned that patented Obama grin, and replied, "Nope. I did not inadvertently leave out Arizona. I left it out advertently."

He asked if anyone else had a question. The Fox Reporter raised his hand. The president ignored him and asked if anyone from CNN, MSNBC, CBS, ABC, ESPN, The Disney Channel, TeleMundo, or the Weather Channel had a question.

The reporter for the Weather Channel, Mitch "Storm Cloud" Kettlebasket raised his hand. Obama called on him. "Ah Mr. President to follow up on Mr. Lickernips question, with all due respect sir, how come you made no mention of Arizona?"

"Kettlebasket is it?"

"Yes sir Mr. President."

"Well Ket, I like you. So I will answer your question. Since I have been president no one has disrespected me, dishonored me, and insulted me more than Governor Jan "The Man" Brewer. Her and her BFF Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio have refused to sit down and talk with me so dat together we could fix dis friggin Arizona mess. You hear what I be sayin' Ket?"

"Yes sir."

The president paused for a moment. He turned to Vice-President Joe Biden who told him that they had to leave in two minutes.

President Obama then told Kettlebasket that as far as he is concerned the leaders of Arizona have made their bed and now they are going to have to lie in the mofoing son-of-a-bitch.

He thanked the people of Pocatello for coming out and turned to leave. The Fox Network reporter hollered out "Hey Barry, how much of the $600 million is Arizona getting bro?"

The president stopped in his tracks. He turned around and told one of his secret service agents to arrest that man for being a disruptive element.

As Lickernips was being led away in handcuffs, the president turned to him and replied, "And ta answer your question you jive ass punk, Arizona ain't gettin' one damn dime. You have a nice day now."

SIDENOTE: Reports coming out of Maricopa County which is Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio's jurisdiction are saying that "Pinky" is starting to crack and he has suggested to his BFF Brewer that maybe they should both apologize to President Obama and get back on the president's good side.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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