Puppies: "A Threat to Our Way of Life" Says GOP

Funny story written by b kenneth mcgee

Wednesday, 4 August 2010

Hey!

The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

Senator Mitch McConnell, minority leader of the US Senate, stated today on the Senate floor that "Puppies are a threat to our way of life. At the least, poor people, those on un-employment compensation and welfare recipients should not be allowed to own them. Puppies are a distraction for these people, keep them from seeking employment, and lead them into a sense of false security. It is bad enough that these neer-do-wells are allowed to indulge in sex, TV, and other perversions. They do not need a puppy!"

A reporter asked McConnell if this wouldn't be unfair to the children of this part of our society. McConnell replied, "Children! Children! Why are these people having children?! Can't they control themselves? Why aren't the children working? They are using food stamps to feed these four legged animals. They should be buying pop tarts instead, for these kids. At least cats can bring home a mouse or a rat and help feed these families."

McConnell states he is proposing legislation that would ban puppies for anyone making less than $45,000 per year and would grant tax breaks for puppies to anyone making over $250,000 per year. These tax breaks include deductions for food, veterinarian visits, obedience training and one visit per year to a fancy Doggie Hotel.

When Democrat Alan Grayson was asked what he thought of this proposal, he replied, "We really don't have a dog in this fight, but I am bringing my Bullmastiff to the floor of Congress next week! This crazy proposal might just end up biting them in the ass."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Subscribe…
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more