Written by anthonyrosania

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

image for Growing Up Skipper: The Doll That Grows Breasts
The lead tastes best with the pink paint. I could lick a Lego racecar for hours, like a Creamsicle!

A multi-national toy manufacturer who most recently came under media scrutiny for selling lead-covered baby toys, will again try to fill its coffers with a controversial toy when they release Growing Up Skipper.

1975's original Growing Up Skipper stirred up controversy was released. Skipper's "feature" was that when Skipper's arm was rotated, the doll would become an inch taller and small breasts would appear on her rubber torso.

"It was f--king creepy," said Dick Schnott, a 46-year-old father of 5 who remembers the original doll when his little sister owned one in 1976. "Of course, I used to sneak it into the bathroom with me, like, two or three times a day. That little boob thing really did it for me."

Plans are afoot to rerelease Growing Up Skipper in time for Christmas, 2010. This version, however, will use nanotechnology and microchips to provide "a more realistic experience of a teenage girl."

"Just as before, when you turn her arm she will get taller and her breasts will grow," explained VP Homer Zuxeual. "She will also begin to text message everyone she's ever met, tell her sister Barbie that she is a 'technical virgin', and then blame her parents for ruining her entire life by not buying her $175.00 Juicy Couture 'distressed' jeans that look like they were taken from the corpse of a homeless crack whore."

And Mattel needs to add some quick money to its coffers. They are currently litigating a class-action suit brought by parents upset about the decision to dip millions of childrens' toys in delicious, delicious lead paint.

"My kid would pull out a Fisher-Price toy and suck on it for hours," said one concerned parent. "Then he'd walk around, drooling on himself, and trying to nurse from the family dog."

They not only declined to comment on the story, but executives for the company assaulted the reporter writing about them with a 1960's era Mattel Shootin' Shell Colt .45, critically injuring him.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Breasts, Toys, doll

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