The Canine Connection

Funny story written by Leddy

Sunday, 11 July 2010

The following testimony is one man's incredible story of how he was cured of chronic back pain by an animal. As the facts unfold, they will appear to be fictional in nature, however, the author has signed a written affidavit and has also agreed to submit to a lie detector test upon request.

My name is Ben Malo and I am an ancient history enthusiast. In my spare time, I read anything that I can get my hands on about lost civilizations, their religions, and especially, the ancient Egyptian mysteries. These subjects have fascinated me as long as I can remember.

It doesn't take much reading about ancient Egypt to learn that the people in those days worshipped the Jackal, a member of the canine family. It's depicted in almost all of their hieroglyphics and picture writing. What's boggled my mind, ever since I was a boy, is why would anyone choose to worship a dog? It's written about in the bible as a loathing, lowlife creature that laps up vomit and human carnage, so what could man's best friend offer in the way of a god, a deity, or for that matter, anything else other than a faithful companion?

By pure chance, perfect timing, and the alignment of every variable known to the ancient Egyptians who worshipped the Jackal, I, Ben Malo discovered the sacred mystery of the canine connection.

The year was 1997, and I was living with my elderly father in Big Woods, Louisiana . Around 10:00 am. one morning, my father and I were standing under the car port wondering, and discussing where his dog (Blue) had ran off to. It hadn't been seen in over a week and my father was becoming quite concerned about it. I happened to glance out across the front acreage of the house and as I did, I spotted another dog eating something in the grass. My father noticed the stray dog too and he began to shout at it. I immediately said, "Wait, that might be your new dog, you never know!" As I spoke those words, I proceeded to walk over and see what the dog had been eating in the grass. To my surprise, the dog did not grab its meal and run away, instead it came over and sat down beside me as if it had known me from somewhere. The dog took a liking to my father too, so we welcomed it into our family and took care of it.

As the days went by, the dog became a real source of pleasure for my father and I, and its presence helped my father get over the loss of losing his old dog. My father named the new dog Nick. Why? I'll never know. I personally wanted to name it something more sophisticated. It was about knee high, no particular breed and reminded me of a dog that I had owned in 1972, named Pharaoh. I can't recall ever calling the new dog Nick, when I wanted to get its attention, I would just make some physical gesture, or some audible sound and it would perceive my beckoning. I'm not one who believes that an animal can understand what a person says. I think they're beyond that and spoken words only confuse what they naturally perceive mentally, like mental telepathy, and our new dog Nick, excelled in telepathic communication.

Oftentimes, Nick and I would take long walks out in the woods at night with only the light of the moon to see by and he never ran off and left me, he was always just a step or two a head of me, guiding me safely through the night.

Nick and I connected on some sort of mental frequency, or channel of instinct that I had never known existed. I'd had many other dogs in the past but never experienced anything like that before. Maybe it was my mind that hadn't developed enough to be able to perceive any psychic impressions from animals, I couldn't say but it happened with Nick, and it was astounding to say the least!

One day while I was doing some research into the ancient Egyptian mysteries, I came across a hieroglyphic (picture symbol) of a Jackal, it was holding a scepter (wand) as if it had some sort of mystical, or magical powers. It brought to mind the question that had been haunting me for years, why would anyone worship a dog? And why would the ancient Egyptians base their religion on such a practice? Just then, I thought about Nick, if I was ever to discover the answer to this mystery, surely, Nick was the perfect canine to experiment on.

I moved out of the house and moved into my motor home secluded in the woods as not to cause any suspicion as to my plans. Surely, if anyone found out what I was up to they'd lock me away in a padded cell. I was going to elevate Nick's lowlife status as a dog to that of an ancient Egyptian god, worship him and see what would happen.

I began right away! I turned the bunk in the motor home into a throne for Nick, and I slept on the floor at his paws. When it was time to eat, I always served Nick his food first before I ate, and always let him eat his fill, even if that meant less for me. After dinner, I messaged his paws and put him to sleep, and never let him out unless it was absolutely necessary, and even then I never let him out of my sight. At night I would visualize mental connotations and try to transfer them to Nick by way of mental telepathy. I did everything that I could to try and make him feel like a pagan idol, a deity and my canine god.

As time went by, I could see a change coming over Nick. It's hard to imagine an animal with a state of consciousness but it appeared that Nick's overall perception was advancing, and going through different levels of awareness, and though I had no concrete evidence that the experiment was working, I knew that I was onto something, so I didn't let up! I even began bowing to Nick as he laid on his throne (the bunk).

I had no idea where all this was leading, or what the Egyptians had gotten out of it but it was intriguing and I really got into it.

After about three months of kneeling on the floor and bowing to the dog (his highness) it really began taking a toll on my physical body. I had suffered for years with arthritis, stiff joints and an extreme lower back pain. Everyday was a regiment of taking over the counter pain killers, and anything that would ease my suffering. One night while in the motor home (Nick's temple) I found myself in excruciating lower back pain, it was intolerable and to make matters even worse, I was also out of pain killers. I knew that there was no way I was going to be able to sleep on the floor that night, so I laid down on Nick's throne next to him, with a thought of hope in my mind that it wouldn't interfere with the experiment.

I could feel Nick's paws touching my back and I thought that he would pull them away but he didn't. To my surprise, he then moved his legs and placed all four of his paws on my lower back exactly where the horrible pain was coming from. All of a sudden, Nick pushed against my back with his paws and I could feel them heat up like a heating pad, and just as it seemed that they couldn't get any hotter, I swear that some sort of energy field began to radiate from out of his paws and into my back making all the pain in my body subside.

I knew that this must have been the reason why the ancient Egyptians had worshipped the Jackal, because they possessed the mystical power and ability to be able to cure the human body of common ailments associated with aging. It made since, there were no pain killers or prescription drugs in ancient times and any animal or creature that could do such miracles would be perceived as a god.

I drifted into sleep that night on Nick's throne feeling regenerated and years younger. The next morning when I got up, I couldn't help but notice that the stiffness in my joints was gone too. I felt young and vibrant like a teenager and when I looked into the mirror to shave, my eyes looked clear and bright, and had a youthful, energetic glow to them like a child's but I was in my late forties. It was incredible!

As the day wore on, I took Nick for a long walk through the woods, and we totally connected on a telepathic level. He instilled psychic impressions in my mind, and filled my thoughts with ancient secrets of the animal kingdom.

I was taught that not all animals can perform miracles, they too, like humans are evolving mentally and must pass through different levels of awareness to even become conscious that they possess such powers. Nick also mentally conveyed to me that we humans have lost touch with our own natural instincts, and natural healing abilities because we have been side tracked by our religious beliefs. We base our perception of life on the scriptures that we read and they teach that natural healing and mystical powers are a sign of witch craft, and sorcery, and not to many centuries ago, humans and animals alike were burnt alive at the stake by the church for possessing such powers! Everything we need is right here on earth within all of us but dormant now because of the way we perceive the world around us.

A few weeks later, I was called back to Las Vegas, Nevada on business matters and had to leave the ranch in Big Wood, Louisiana. Shortly there after, I received a phone call from my father that Nick was missing and a search for him had turned up nothing. That was over five years ago and I swear that I still haven't experienced any lower back pain or stiffness in my joints or taken any pain killers of any kind, not even an aspirin. I am very thankful to Nick, but emotionally touched that I will probably never see him again or be able to carry on anymore experiments into the ancient Egyptian mysteries without his guidance.

I swear that the aforementioned facts are true and correct under the penalty of perjury of the laws of the state of Nevada . July 9, 2010, Ben Malo.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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