Bordello Falls Residents-Whatever Happened to Them?

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Monday, 28 June 2010

image for Bordello Falls Residents-Whatever Happened to Them?
"Bordello Falls, Recent Photograph"

San Francisco CA: Over a century has passed since "The Streets of Bordello Falls" echoed with gunshots, train whistles and stagecoach wheels. The desert has created another western ghost town, leaving only a few sparse remnants that people ever resided in Bordello Falls.

What happened to the residents? Western lore records that at the turn of the 20th Century some of the upstanding citizens relocated to San Francisco CA. The remainder just drifted away like tumbleweeds.

Madame Bitters opened the New Apache Oasis Bordello on Freemont Street abutting the cable car stop. The front window of the establishment always had a rather interesting display. Business boomed! A distant male relative carries on the business today, next to the BART station (Underground) on Fremont Street, still employing a large picture window. Both the patrons and their gender have changed quite a bit in the modern "city by the bay."

Sheriff Skoobinski joined the SFPD and moonlighted as a bouncer at the New Apache Oasis Bordello to supplement his meager policeman's salary. Wow, those fringe benefits were outstanding! He then invented "Depends" to solve that annoying problem he had as a lawman. However, since it would be another 70 years until modern absorbent materials were invented, only then did his progeny became multi-millionaires. The former sheriff passed into history broke and wet!

Donkey Sally the gunslinger became Sally the bartender, "who nobody ever messed with and lived to tell about it." He never became Mayor of Bordello falls, but did become Mayor of San Francisco in 1905 until the 1906 earthquake cut his life short. While he swung both ways, Sally left many children who went on to proliferate gangsters, clergymen and a regiment of US Marines from the bay area, HURA!

Railroad man Chisum Morse was introduced to a couple of elderly gentlemen named Huntington, Stanford, Hopkins, and Crocker during one of his "business trips" to the Barbary Coast. Chisum went off to work for the Central Pacific Railroad Company. The railroad business was good for Morse's decedents "who lived long and prospered" until about the 1950's when the passenger railroad business declined. However, a cousin is currently employed as a BART (Underground) train driver.

Buck and Diablo got out of the cattle business, but Buck still had a flaming temper! The pair opened a small wagon building and repair shop on Lombard Street. The dastardly duo's business was wiped out in the 1906 earthquake, but they survived. Buck and Diablo bummed around the USA together for a couple of years and while in Detroit MI met a man named Henry Ford. Back on the west coast they opened their first Ford automobile dealership, which is still in business. Additionally "Flaming Buck and Diablo's" Ford dealerships, operated by their heirs, are all over California!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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