A humor writer has dodged a bullet -literally and figuratively- by avoiding a Grand Jury indictment stemming from his alleged kidnapping by Jeremy London's accosters.
"Their demands were insane. I had to do an eight-ball a day, or else they would kill me. The... horror."
"The things that they made me do were just... deplorable. I couldn't believe the... debauchery I was forced to endure, "said the writer, who only spoke under the promise that no details could be released that would jeopardize his anonymity. The writer repeatedly rubbed his balding head, wiped off his black round-framed glasses, and leaned his 6'1" frame against his green Mustang GT with New Jersey plates VGN-xxx during our exclusive interview.
"They forced me at gunpoint to drive to Las Vegas," said the humorist, whose poignant, witty prose can be read 6 days a week at TheSpoof.com. "They told me if I didn't stay in Vegas, drink a fifth of Patron a day, and spend $1,000 a day on hookers and blow, they would come back and kill me."
This differed slightly from the writer's Grand Jury testimony, during which it was stated that the kidnappers were with the writer 24 hours a day for three weeks.
"Well, they left, but they said I still had to do that stuff," explained the anonymous writer, whose name may or may not be Anthony. "They. . . um . . . they did leave at some point, but. . . but, they called me, like, a lot! And they made me text them all the time with, like, updates. I was in real danger, man!"
