Written by Charpa93

Monday, 3 May 2010

image for Teachers with Heavy Accents Removed from Arizona Classrooms; Governor Schwarzenegger claims "Dat's da Last Straw, Peepo."
Arizona's Homogenized Classrooms

Phoenix, AZ - In yet another blow to Arizonans who are still reeling from the newly-enacted anti-immigration law, it is now being reported that teachers with heavy accents are being removed from Arizona classrooms. The Arizona Department of Education has been authorized by the Governor's office to cease all ethnic studies programs in Arizona schools.

Going forward, the only teachers they will allow in the classrooms are ones that are fluent in proper English. Ethnic programs and extra-curricular activities supported by a heavy Hispanic enrollment are to cease as well. Although some administrators and principals complain the standards for removal are arbitrary, the auditors sent in to cleanse the classrooms of these substandard teachers believe the majority of those complaints come from Hispanic principals and administrators, or roughly half the system's administrative staff.

There was no mention of whether or not high school students will be also no longer be able to study French, German or Japanese due to the fact that they would also fall under the ethnic category.

Mexican-American children, who have grown up in predominately Spanish-speaking households, but who are bona fide citizens of the United States, are leaving classrooms glassy-eyed and confused. "The English teacher I've had for the entire school year, Mr. Sanchez, has been replaced by a substitute named Mzzzzz. Smith. Mr. Sanchez, I totally got him, and he was funny and a great teacher. Mzzzzz. Smith speaks another language. It's like we are learning English all over again," claims Rodrigo Gomez, a senior who, up until two days ago, was the frontrunner for class valedictorian. He believes that without his old teachers at the helm, he can only hope to graduate at best with a "C" average.

California Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger has gotten in on the discussion by declaring this latest turn of events unfortunate. "I ahm govenah of da laagest state in da contry, ehn I cannot believe dat Aheezona is doing dis. Under deez law, I cannot teech English in Aheezona. Dat is wridicolous."

Said a spokesperson for Brewer's office "the way some kids are squealing about this, you'd think we were killing them or something. They are accusing us of ethnic cleansing, of deliberately trying to rid Arizona of its Hispanic residents. We tell them, homogenization is beneficial. Imagine how unsafe milk would be without the process."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: School, Arizona, Teachers

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