Bored menopausal Susan Boyle fanatics were last night arguing over tabloid reports of her recent supermarket shopping trip.
"This is another tabloid lie," said 'P'fart'. "I've watched every episode of 'Monarch of the Glen', twice in fact, and I know for a fact they don't have supermarkets in Scotland. They all go hunting for food."
American sisters, and alleged Scotland experts, Happy and Clappy said "We've been to Scotland twice, so we know for a fact she couldn't really have bought cornflakes as reported. Supermarkets in Scotland only sell haggis and Irn Bru. We even took photos to prove it!"
Super-fanatic 'AireHead' chimed "How dare she buy tea bags? She should only drink coffee like all her true American fans. In fact, I think she should abandon Scotland and come and live with me. She'd have to share a room with my 53 cats, though."
Chief fanatic Dr. Bobbino de Ponytail, still recovering from his recent red scarf mishap, groaned "Discussion of this report has been banned. The tabloid in question has been very kind to my bank account recently."
