Super Bowl for Females: Attack of the Killer Brides

Funny story written by Gail Farrelly

Sunday, 7 February 2010

image for Super Bowl for Females: Attack of the Killer Brides
She looks serene, but she swatted several competitors in order to get that dress!

It wasn't held in Miami, but the downtown New York event on Friday had all the thrills and disappointments of the real thing. It was the annual Running of the Brides, an event sponsored by a department store in Union Square.

This year 900 brides "competed" (sort of, since they ran, grabbed, and then tussled with each other) for bargain gowns. Doors opened at 8 a.m., but some of the contestants/customers arrived at 1 a.m. to get a good place in line.

One male attendee, a very brave soul who had accompanied his sister to the store, reported that it had been an overwhelming experience.

He commented, "So many women -- brawling, screaming, squealing -- it was all too much."

He indicated that, because of the scarcity of dressing rooms, the women were just slipping out of their clothes right on the selling floor in order to try on the bridal gowns.

He said, "Hallelujah! you might think. But fuhgeddaboudit. It was so crowded and the brides were all so sweaty. And they were acting like women in the wild, for Pete's sake. What a turnoff!"

He also complained about the fact that the few men who were there were treated as clothing racks by the women.

"I was just an object," he said. "They pulled my arms straight out, and then they threw their coats, skirts and slacks over them," he whined. "And when that space was gone, they just flung their clothes right on my head. It got so I couldn't even see any more."

The worst part of the story is that, although his sister DID find a dress, now she says she has to return it, because a photographer took a picture of her in the dress and published it in the local paper. Oy! That's a no-no, since it's bad luck for the bride to be seen in her gown before the big day.

"That's a crock," the guy has told his sister. He's living in terror that she'll try to drag him off to another one of these events. Although he has run with the bulls in Pamplona for the last 15 years, he said he'd never again attend anything like the Running of the Brides. "Much too dangerous" was his assessment of the situation.

He continued, "Believe me, the Spanish bulls are pretty tame in comparison to a bunch of bridezillas."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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