One penny out of every dollar spent in the United States of America went for salaries and bonuses at Wall Street firms, prompting demands for a new federal holiday.
"We awarded ourselves $140 Billion in salary and bonusses in 2009," explained one investment banker, "That's about 1 percent of the $14 Trillion U.S. GDP. An accomplishment like that deserves a federal holiday. We call it 'A Penny for Your Banker Day!'"
Pundits cheered this accomplishment, "Every time you buy a 99 cent hamburger, what happens to that other penny?" one asked. "Don't worry, it's not lost; one way or another, it ends up safely in the pocket of a Wall Street banker!
"If you spend $100 on groceries, a dollar of that goes to the people who helped collapse the economy. If you spend $10,000 on a used car, that's $100 that goes to Wall Street - almost enough for a champagne lunch or half an hour with one of their hookers. If George Washington gets a holiday for something he did over two hundred years ago, why shouldn't Wall Street bankers get a holiday for something they're doing right now?"
Congress is expected to act quickly on the proposal. "There's an election in November," said one campaign manager, "And we all know that a happy Wall Street banker is a generous Wall Street Banker!"
