Corrupt child support official can't be bothered

Funny story written by Mary Malone

Sunday, 10 January 2010

The head of Legal Enforcement for child support, Mr Banal Portaloo, has let slip that he has better things to do with his time than chase non-paying fathers.

Mr Portaloo, who whilst a Detective for the Metropolitan Police was implicated in a major corruption scandal where wealthy Arabs were being ferried around London in squad cars used as taxis, let slip on Monday that he has more important things to do than to chase fathers who cannot be bothered to pay for their children.

Whilst speaking to this reporter, Mr Portaloo was lounging in his open plan office with his feet on his desk with holes in his socks and munching on a greasy bacon sandwich, which had been procured for him by one of his lackeys.

Mr Portaloo is a distinctive character within the agency. He takes the term obese to a whole new meaning and when he moves around the office the whole floor shakes. One of his colleagues said of him "It's like being in an earthquake zone when he moves. I keep looking out of the window in case there is a tsunami off the coast whenever he can be bothered to move away from his desk."

I can exclusively reveal that although Mr Portaloo escaped criminal charges for his part in the corruption scandal when he retired from the police on grounds of ill health, his colleagues have been quoted as saying that Mr Porter is in very rude health indeed, with the emphasis being very much on the rude.

Several officers have wondered out loud how a corrupt former policeman can be a suitable person to be the head of legal enforcement. However, one wag stated "It seems that the Agency has followed the old motto of using a crook to catch the crooks".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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