Condoleezza Rice Says She Rejected Tiger Woods

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 5 January 2010

image for Condoleezza Rice Says She Rejected Tiger Woods
Condi Rice reading a copy of her 15th book "The Story of How Uncle Ben's Converted Rice Was Converted."

LAFAYETTE, Louisiana - Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was in Lafayette on the Southern leg of her book signing tour.

Rice, who recently underwent breast augmentation surgery, proudly boasted that she was as thrilled as a python at a kitten party to announce that her pups had gone from being A-Cups to being B-Cups.

She was asked if now that she has gotten bigger in the knocker department if she was being asked out on dates more.

Condi replied that she wasn't, but that the two dates that she had gone on recently resulted in both guys getting to second base and kind of loitering around a little bit more instead of going right to third base as was the case before the breast enhancement.

Rice was at The Oodles and Oodles of Books Book Store in Lafayette autographing her 15th book entitled, The Story of How Uncle Ben's Converted Rice Was Converted.

When Condiment, as President Bush called her, was asked if she didn't feel that the title might be somewhat on the racist side, she just smiled and replied no.

She then added that if say Ann Coulter had used that particular title then it would have definitely been racist.

Rice was asked by a reporter for The Lafayette Creole Chronicle if she would mind answering a personal question. She stated for the reporter to fire away.

"Miss Rice who is the last person whose bones you jumped?"

She blushed, (I think), and replied, "Denzel Washington." And before the reporter could say a word she added, "In my dreams."

Rice did confess that back in September when she was visiting an elderly aunt in Orlando, Florida, she had run into Tiger Woods at a local Starbucks.

She said that he was alone and he asked her for her autograph. She told him that she would give him her autograph if he would give her his. Both parties agreed.

She said that she handed him her autograph and he handed her his autograph. He told her to read the back of the paper.

She did and she blushed, (I think). Tiger had written: ILTT. LMRYLAKDRH. She asked him what in the world those letters stood for.

Tiger blushed, (I think), and he answered, I'm liking those titties. Let me ride you like a Kentucky Derby race horse.

Condi asked him if he was propositioning her to go to bed with him. Tiger nodded that he most certainly was.

She asked him to hand her the paper that she had autographed. She took it and on the back she wrote. GFY. YNBALBB.

He asked her what the letters stood for. She replied that they stood for: Go eff yourself. You're nothing but a little black boy.

Tiger became furious. He got in her face and told her that he did not need her because he had dozens of white girls who all said that he hung the moon.

Condi did not miss a beat and replied, "Well at least the moon is hung."

In other news. Charlie Sheen is reporting that the name of his show will probably be changed. He said that the title 'Two and A Half Men' does not apply anymore since his little nephew is now actually bigger than him and his TV dad. He said that the new name of the show will be changed to 'Three Men And A Big Fat-Ass Housekeeper.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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