Kim Jong Il Wants Lindsay Lohan To Be North Korea's First Lady

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 29 December 2009

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North Korea's newest missile (The Lindsay Lohan #9). The American markings have since been painted over.

PYONGYANG, North Korea - The leader of North Korea, Kim Jong Il has made it known to members of his cabinet that his New Year's resolution will be to make the American actress Lindsay Lohan his bride, and the First Lady of North Korea.

In North Korea it is no secret that LiLo is without a doubt the nation's most popular actress. The freckle-faced celeb is even more popular than Angelina Jolie, Sandra Bullock, Nicole Kidman, and Melissa Rivers.

Kim Jong Il first became infatuated with Miss Lohan when he saw her in the Walt Disney motion picture Herbie: Fully Loaded.

The leader of North Korea said that as soon as he saw her face on the silver screen he told himself that one day he will see her face on a silk pillow next to his silk pillow in his North Korean leader's expansive $40,000 palatial bed.

He added that he could not believe his eyes when he saw in Silver Screen Celebrity Magazine that LiLo had fallen in love and was dating another female, the boyish-looking Samantha Ronson.

Kim Jong Il said of Ronson, "She looks like a guy, talks like a guy, walks like a guy, wants to be a guy, but she does not possess a winky (penis) like a guy. Whereas I possess a penis (winky) enough for two guys, but not in a gay way of course, but in a figuratively manner of speaking in regards to size, shape, and texture."

Jong Il has already instructed his assistant to draw up a letter of introduction which he will then email to Lohan. In the letter he will state that he has so much passionate love and affection, physical desire and lust, and sexual craving and hunger for her that he is willing to forego the standard pre-nuptial agreement.

SIDENOTE: Kim Jong Il is so smitten and infatuated with Lindsay Lohan that he officially names each one of his missiles after her. He received a missile as a Christmas gift from the government of Iran and he has named the missile "The Lindsay Lohan #9."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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