HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Well, well, well, it looks like the little lost girl, Lindsay Lohan has finally found the right gender.
LiLo attended a party at the mansion of a well-known San Francisco Giants player who asked that his name or uniform number not be used.
The party was attended by such celebrity notables as Paris Hilton, Snoop Dogg, Stacy Keibler, Don Rickles, Lisa Marie Presley, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Cloris Leachman.
An inside source said that around 1:25 a.m. Lindsay Lohan and Leonardo DiCaprio came together at the Margarita flowing fountain.
Leo asked Lindsay if she would like a Margarita. She asked him where she was. He chuckled and said that he meant the liquid Margarita as in Margarita the drink. Lindsay started laughing and said yes and she told him that she was no longer gay.
He told her that he knew. She asked him how in the world he knew that, and he replied that he knew she wasn't gay because for the past five minutes she had been standing there holding his penis.
Lindsay realized what she was doing and quickly turned it loose. Leo sighed and said that it was a good thing that she had turned 'Big Boy' loose because as hard as she was squeezing it, about another 20 seconds and he would have probably started screaming like that crazy Puerto Rican woman from American Idol Tatiana Del Toro.
LiLo told him that he was funny and asked him if she would like for her to see how far down his throat she could stick her tongue.
His eyes got the size of ping pong balls and he said, what the heck, it's either that or go listen to Rickles and Leachman talk about the different brands of liniments, ointments, emollients, salves, balms, and emulsions they currently have on the various parts of their bodies.
Lohan who is noted far and wide for her gigantic over-sized tongue stuck it down Leo's throat. He started coughing and she took her tongue out right away.
"Did I hurt you she asked?" And he replied that he was fine, except for the fact that he actually felt his two tonsils rubbing up against his lower intestine.
Lindsay smiled and and said, "I get that a lot from girls, but really not anymore, because I've stopped being with females, because I changed and I am no longer gay, kind of like Anne Heche did, can I stick my tongue down your throat again?"
DiCaprio told her that he would really much rather find an empty bedroom and take a nice long gander at her twangers and her twat. She blushed and said that it sure had been a long time since she had heard that line...from a guy.
The two went upstairs and emerged three hours later. Lindsay had taken a blue Sharpie pen and written on her forehead, LinLeo.
And speaking of markings. 70s icon Cher, who remembers when the Mississippi River was just a creek, said that her recent weight gain has caused her tattoos to literally become unidentifiable.