Government rules out ransom deal

Funny story written by matwil

Monday, 2 November 2009

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The 'Alastair Campbell' ready to plunder the Middle East

The UK government has insisted it will not pay back a ransom to the British taxpayers. The government gave the ransom to a couple of pirates to allow the couple to declare an illegal war, as well as to fund illegal property deals for themselves.

The pair, 'Red' Blair and 'Cherie Red' Blair, had demanded millions of pounds to send soldiers to Iraq and Afghanistan to hunt for imaginary weapons of mass destruction, and had threatened the public with endless imaginary 'terrorist' scares across the south of England if the money wasn't paid to them.

The two pirates then spent years sailing round the world in their luxury ship the 'Alastair Campbell', plundering cash and treasure from places like Basra and Darfor, and terrorising the long-suffering people there. One Basra resident, Saddam Hussein, said:

'It was dreadful - one minute I was peacefully massacring my Kurdish neighbours with American poisonous gases, the next minute the Blairs arrived in their ship and fired broadside after broadside of hypocrisy at me! Soon all my palaces were destroyed and they made my double walk the plank into a nice long piece of rope, the whole area has been devastated by the pirates, we wish they would leave us alone.'

But another dreaded pirate, 'Long Winded' Cheney, also sailed his fleet into Iraq and was soon plundering it for oil and gold, though some feared that Cheney was actually taking orders from 'Black Benny', whose base is on the island of Telavivia.

'Who, me?', Benny said. 'Listen, me hearties, there be gold in them thar Americas, more than I could ever steal from places like Iraq, so I'll just a-keep plunderin' treasure from the fools that live there, 'tis like stealing candy from a baby! 'Arrrrrrr!'

'Sherpa' Clinton, the famed female pirate of the land of Gopher, was seen swigging rum in Black Benny's ship, and cackling hideously while throwing darts at a pictures of 'Brownish' Barack Obama and 'Tame' Bill Clintock.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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