Written by Morgan Truce

Wednesday, 18 August 2004

image for Professor Nouveau Saved by Paris Hilton as Queen Camilla Sinks! Many Others Feared Lost!

NEWS BULLETIN: The luxury steamship Queen Camilla sunk within hours of colliding with a sludge tanker headed for New Jersey. Many of the Camilla's passengers were lost when the ship's lifeboats fell apart upon launching. One enterprising passenger, a Miss Maria Simpson, attempted to save herself by using her billiard cue as a float, but the cue was heavily weighted with truncheon meat and Miss Simpson went down like a stone.

World-famous lecturer Professor Art Nouveau was one of the few passengers to survive the sinking. Miss Paris Hilton, who made excellent use of her breast stroke technique, saved him. The two had met each other just the morning before when Paris Hilton was quietly leaving the Captain's cabin and Professor Nouveau bumped into her while on his morning constitutional. After the sinking, Paris Hilton grabbed for the nearest man she could find, and once again a lovely young woman saved Professor Nouveau from catastrophe.

A rescue team from the sludge tanker found the two survivors and pulled them from the cold water. Safely aboard the sludge tanker, Professor Nouveau still clutched tightly to Paris Hilton who by now was screaming with delight. The ship's doctor examined the pair --- taking the professor's pulse for 30 seconds, and then giving Paris Hilton a thorough exam that lasted nearly 6 hours (including the 5 3/4 hour pelvic exam.)


The smiling Paris and tired professor were then free to roam the sludge tanker and try to make some sense out of their ordeal.

Professor Nouveau told Paris about his now lost steamer trunk full of diplomas, his often-illustrious academic career, and his wonderful knack for staying one step ahead of the law. Paris Hilton told him about her lifelong interest in publicity, the hotel she was named for, and the large fortune she was due to inherit. That last tidbit caught his attention; Professor Art Nouveau was a man who was easily impressed by young beautiful women, but he was absolutely charmed by large Swiss bank accounts!


The two survivors spoke with each other for hours and hours. The professor hardly gave a thought to his former assistant Maria. He studied Paris Hilton with an intensity he had never known before. Between the salty air, the pungent aroma of the ship's cargo, and the delightful image of Paris' Swiss bank accounts, a new romance overtook Professor Nouveau.

This is the 2nd episode in the continuing adventures of the dashing Professor Art Nouveau. Click here for the first episode.


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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