Along with NASA's unprecedented announcement today that water has been discovered on the moon, came a joint press release from the Department of Homeland Security: The moon has been proliferating nuclear weapons, as well as harboring terrorists, and will be invaded immediately.
At a press conference this morning, NASA spokeswoman Arlene Griffin called the moon water a "precious resource", which had not yet been claimed by any one nation. The press release from DHS came just moments later, placing heavy emphasis on the fact that the accusation of terrorists and WMD on the moon was unrelated to the discovery of vast precious resources.
When approached for comment, DHS press secretary Thom Whitmore was adamant in his department's claims. "Water is exactly what terrorists drink," he stated. As for the accusation on harboring dangerous Weapons of Mass Destruction? "We have intelligence that suggests the moon was engaged in a purchase of yellow cake uranium off the continent of Africa. At first we thought it was Iraq, but our translation was wrong. It was definitely the moon."
To the obvious befuddlement of the press camp, Whitmore recited the American imperial pledge: "Our enemy is a radical network of terrorists and every government that supports them... The moon is done for."
The moon could not immediately be reached for comment... after all, it is a moon.