Standards and Compliance Section of HR 3962 Exposed

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

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"Your Tax Dollars at Work!"

Washington DC: The Affordable Health Care for America Act (HR 3962) has a Standards and Compliance section, beginning on page 1517. House Speaker Pelosi and House Representatives of both parties never mentioned this section during the floor debate.

Fraud, mismanagement and waste of taxpayer dollars will not to be tolerated by the new Federal Bureau of Medicine (FBU). Therefore, Standards shall determine who qualifies for what physician's services and Compliance shall insure that quality services have been delivered. An FBU Commissioner shall oversee both the Standards and Compliance activities and is to be appointed by the president (largest Democratic campaign contributor). An example from the bill will clarify the concept.

STANDARDS: Boob Jobs

1. Boob enhancement shall only be applicable to women between the ages of 21 and 50, having boobs less than 32 A. A maximum limit of 42 DD shall also be established. All others shall use standard government issued tissue paper, externally incorporated into clothing.

2. Boob reduction shall only be applicable to women between the ages of 21 and 50, having boobs greater than 42 DD. A minimum limit of 32 A shall also be established.

3. Going topless with government enhanced or reduced boobs, is strictly prohibited.

COMPLIANCE: Boob Jobs

1. New Boob jobs shall be inspected by the FBU Commissioner or his designated representatives, to ensure proper installation. The EPA shall also ensure all new boobs are environmentally friendly.

2. After the initial inspection, boobs shall be routinely inspected once per year to insure no misuse, such as undue fondling, has occurred.

3. The penalty for misuse or going topless with government enhanced or reduced boobs shall be $1000 each for two offenses. The third offense shall result in having "Made in USA" permanently stenciled on the bodacious tatas.

Viagra allotments are considered in a subsequent paragraph, based on age and various proscribed penile characteristics.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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