Miss England, Rachel Christie Involved In Pub Brawl Loses Crown

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 8 November 2009

image for Miss England, Rachel Christie Involved In Pub Brawl Loses Crown
The Miss England beauty crowd that Rachel Christie relinquished for acting like she was ten.

MANCHESTER - The reigning Miss England, Rachel Christie, has voluntarily given up her title after she was involved in a brawl in a pub in Manchester.

Clancy "Big Ben" O'Malley, owner of Ye Big Ben Pub said that Miss England walked in, sat down at a table by herself and ordered a bottle of Viking Horn Beer.

She was told that the pub did not carry Viking Horn. She then said that she would have a bottle of Spanish Armada Light. She was told that the pub did not carry SAL either.

Miss Christie then stood up and started hollering and yelling and asked if this was a pub or a day care center for old blokes.

An old bloke, Manfred Strudwick, who was having a local brew with his wife Hollyanne told her to shut the F up and sit her skinny pageantry arse (ass) down.

Christie pointed at him and said that he needed to stand in line so that he could have the privilege of kissing her ass (arse).

The cinnamon tart then pointed to her crown and said that perhaps he did not know it but that he was talking to the reigning Miss England.

He said that he knew it because he had seen her extremely tanned face on the telly.

She screamed out that someone needed to teach him some manners because he was acting like some old bloke who had dropped out of the third grade.

Just then Mrs. Strudwick, a rather hefty lass who stood 5 foot 10 inches tall and tipped the scales at 202 pounds, stood up and told Miss England that she had better shut her effen (African-American) mouth before she went over to her and shoved that crown up her disrespectful pageantry puckerino.

Miss England made some kind of a barnyard animal sound. And the lady Manc started walking toward Miss England telling all the blue-collar lads in the pub that she was going to hit the big-mouthed beeach so hard, that she would turn bright white and start singing Amy Winehouse songs.

The sturdy Hollyanne grabbed Miss England's sash and started wrapping it around her quasi black neck. The beauty queen was saying something or other, but no one in the pub could understand her as she was sort of mumbling and appeared to be grasping for air.

Hollyanne, who wears a DD bra then picked up the pale-looking beauty queen, carried her to the door, kicked the door open, and tossed her pageantry arse out on the sidewalk.

A reporter for The Manchester Morning Mentioner, Garwood Rothblatt, who happened to be in the pub managed to snap over a dozen photos and said that he would be placing a right nice story in the Morning Mentioner edition.

SIDENOTE: Miss England, Rachel Christie was asked to resign by the United Kingdom Beauty Pageant Committee. She said that she would but only because being Miss England was boring and she needed to go back to Kenya and check on her aged 112-year-old grandmother, Tatumbeena who apparently had only recently been bitten by a rhino.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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