HOLLYWOOD - Paris Hilton, the Left Coast socialite who is famous for actually doing nothing, kind of like the Kardashians, OctuMom, and Kate Gosselin informed Larry King that she has purchased a hermaphrodite.
After Larry regained his composure he asked Paris what the hell she was talking about. Hilton smiled and said that last week when she was in her namesake city of Paris, France she was approached on the street by a homeless man named Miffy. He told her that he would sell her a hermaphrodite at a reduced price.
Paris asked him what a hermaphrodite was and Miffy told her that it was a little animal that was a cross between a hamster and a Mongolian mite.
When she asked him what was so special about this hermaphrodite he told her that the eggs that this cute little animal lays when mixed with Diet 7-Up had the power to ward off things like headaches, hangovers, hang nails, toothaches, and cellulite.
She asked him how much the hermaphrodite cost and he told her that he usually sells them for $7,000 for the pair but that he would let her have them, since she was the gorgeously charming and tremendously beautiful Paris Hilton, for $6799.99.
She said that she only wanted one. But Miffy quickly informed her that by law, he can only sell them in pairs. She asked why. And he told her that two years ago the Parisian city council had enacted the Hermaphrodite Pairing Regulatory Inducing Law of 2007.
Paris smiled and simply said, "Wow, that's hot." She told him that she did not have her checkbook or Visa card and asked if he would take cash. Miffy said yes so fast that he almost choked on his tongue.
Larry asked her what she had named it. She replied that she named it Hermie, after one of her ex-boyfriends. Larry then inquired if she had any pictures of this pet hermaphrodite Hermie.
She said she did and she proceeded to take a photo out of her purse. She showed it to Larry and he started laughing. Paris asked him what was so funny.
Larry nearly swallowed his gum. He raised his glasses and took a closer look. He then turned to Paris and said "Paris, honey this so called hermaphrodite of yours which you paid, what was it? $6799.99 for is nothing more than a kangaroo rat."
Paris got upset and she said that it was not a kangaroo rat.
Larry told her that it most definitely was a kangaroo rat.
Paris looked at the picture and then at Larry and then back at the photo and asked, "Okay Mr. Smarty Pants Larry King, if it's a kangaroo rat then one, why isn't it hopping, and two, where is its pocket?
Larry started muttering off a whole bunch of words in Yiddish and the director went to a commercial.
SIDENOTE: When Larry returned from the commercial Paris' seat was empty. Larry told his viewers that Paris had left to book a flight back to Paris to go and look Miffy up and return her little hermaphrodite.
