Written by Judge Retort

Friday, 31 October 2008

image for Anne Rice goes from vampires to Jesus
Anne Rice before her controversial bicuspid Botox injections

Metro Transylvania - Authoress of phenomenally successful money-maker "Interview with a Vampire", the queen of hard-bitten fiction took all her enormous wealth from the vampire series and bought her soul back from Satan.

Next, in the most strategic financial move since Paulson's little bailout deal, Rice contacted Jesus' agent, the Holy Spirit, and has arranged a deal to lease her soul to Him, pending how well she does on her new Jesus book - He's reserving judgment. (You know Him... well, perhaps.)

In her newest book, due for release December 25th, Jesus plays an underground leader of an outlaw Palestinian movement. However, he turns out to actually be a supreme being who's been around since the beginning, before even the Big Bang - before the fuse was even lit!

In a unique literary reversal of the vampire role, Rice has her Jesus tell his underground followers that it is *they* who must drink *His* blood. And showing she is still the Mistress of Macabre, He commands them to also eat his flesh. In the story, His close friend, the young and impressionable John Zebedee, plays a budding writer who takes notes on all this for later successful publication.

Well! Pretty soon conflict arises as Jesus winds up with hundreds of followers but few willing to drink his blood - again, as chronicled by John. And what's worse, the authorities get wise and respond in the classic Roman way: Execution. But in the story Jesus is the Sin Vampire and rises from the dead to lead His followers toward a worldwide movement of Sin Vampirism which exists to this very day, according to Rice.

Brrr! The story scared the devil out of this reader!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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