Warning Issued for Nickelback Flu

Funny story written by ESB

Wednesday, 26 August 2009

image for Warning Issued for Nickelback Flu
Symptoms of Nickelback Flu are similar to Creed Flu

Atlanta - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has issued a warning for Nickelback Flu.

In recent months thousands of people across the country have gone to the hospital with flu like symptoms. Tests on those patients came back negative for seasonal influenza. However, researchers think they've identified the source of the illness.

"This was a tough case because the symptoms were so varied. Patients complained of nausea, vomiting, ear bleeding and wild mood swings ranging from hopelessness to blind rage. In the end there was only one disease that matched all these symptoms and that's Nickelback Flu," said Tom Skinner.

Nickelback Flu is caused by listening to the music of Canadian rock band Nickelback. The illness started in Alberta, Canada during the mid-nineteen nineties and was largely confined to that area until 2001. The disease started to spread along with the band's first international hit "How You Remind Me." Nickelback Flu has been reported in 15 countries outside the US and Canada. So far no one has died from the disease but many have complained about a loss of time.

Nickelback Flu is especially virulent during the later stages. According to Skinner "A person suffering from advanced Nickelback Flu will start wearing leather pants, grow a creepy goatee, perm his hair and rely on clich├ęs. Skinner added "the patient may also speak in a constrained voice, like he has to poop but can't."

There is no known cure for Nickelback Flu although some - people in fraternities, sororities and middle school - have developed an immunity to the disease. Skinner hinted these groups overcame the illness through constant exposure to the band but, he insisted, "listening to the band is the last thing anyone should do." Instead Skinner suggested, "throwing away your CDs, deleting your files or at the very least turning off your radio."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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