Pharma Cartel May Soon Unleash Donkey Flu & Bullshit Flu Virus

Funny story written by Onionuttapam

Saturday, 15 August 2009

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If you think that you have had enough of swine flu madness and that after frequent promising-moon-but-leaving-you-with-a-worthless-mound (i.e. foretelling millions of deaths but supplying only few hundred corpses) bouts of worldwide pandemics, the world will become immune to prognosis of germ-caused disaster and doom, you are wrong.

More planned pandemics are coming your way, courtesy Mad Scientists Inc, subsidiary of US Military, Pharma Cartel Corporation and WHO (World Hysterocatalepsy Organization). Deeper in the pipeline are two new influenza-causing virus strains to be referred as Donkey flu and Bullshit flu virus, which will soon be unleashed on the world after the hysteria over swine flu dies a natural death.

We have learned about the secret plans of mad scientists working in secret underground laboratories after interviewing the Austrian journalist, Jane BurgerMister who has filed cases against WHO, UN and several high ranking government and corporate officials for unleashing bio-terrorism in order to profit from the resultant panic. The Austrian journalist apart from discovering evidence that leading pharma groups planted bird flu and pig flu viruses in several countries intending to profit from selling antidotes, vaccines, flu masks, testing kits etc has also found out that mad scientists are working on creating new strains of viruses to create more mass panic in the near future.

According to the journalist who had met some of the scientists working in top-secret underground laboratories, these mad scientists are having a ball, laughing at the utter cluelessness of billions who buy their lies about the dangerousness of their lab-created viruses. "We deliberately choose funny names for the flu's developed due to our designer viruses that mimic popular swear words and insults. First we gave you MAD-cow disease, then we released FOOT & MOUTH virus, next we gave you CHICKEN Flu and now it is SWINE Flu. But except for a few, most people still haven't got the joke. So now we are moving to even more audacious-sounding names - Donkey flu and Bullshit flu." one of the mad scientist told Jane BurgerMister.

According to BurgerMister these underground laboratories have been storing hundreds of different strains of viruses since last century which are periodically released first in animals and at a later stage amongst humans. WHO, an organization which was created by the cartel, is then used to generate panic by raising pandemic levels and predicting millions of infections and possible deaths. Clueless governments and media soon follow the lead and help create mass-hysteria which of course translates into billions of dollars of new revenue streams for drug and vaccine companies.

As per the plans, initially donkeys will be infected by new strain of virus which at a later stage will pass on to humans causing a condition that will also be called Ass or Anal flu. The symptoms of this flu will be severe itching in the anus and experiencing severe burning sensation in the buttocks. A highly contagious virus, it will transmit from one person to another through farting or releasing gas. Once humans are infected by the virus, and few of the infected - suffering due to poor immune system or a severe underlying health condition - die after detection of this strain of virus in their body, as per the usual formula, their deaths would be labelled as Donkey or Ass flu deaths. WHO will then press the panic button. On cue, local governments and medical authorities will advice people to stop farting in public places. People will be told to eat less, and chew their foods properly to enable proper digestion of food and reduce their chances of releasing gas or farting. After the spread of the virus, people will asked to take even more precautions. Since this virus strain will be highly contagious, underwear and normal pants would be deemed as not hard and impenetrable enough protection to prevent the virus from escaping the anuses of the infected during release of gas or farting and so, people will be instructed to wear added protection like Baby Diapers, either inside or over their pants.

A year or a two later, bullshit virus will be let loose on the world. As the name suggests, this virus will be thrive inside excreta of bulls and be contagious enough to spread through air or water. Millions of people, especially those in third-world countries like India, where cow dung or bull excreta is commonly found in public spaces like roads, will be at severe risk of being infected by this virus. But, as usual, majority of those who will be contaminated by the new strain of virus would be infected as a result of bullshit spewing from the mouths of television anchors on news channels, from highly exaggerated, panic-inducing headlines of newspapers, from retarded pronouncement of ministers and government officials and of course, from the mouthpieces and shills of corrupt, greedy medical establishment which will continue to lie, exaggerate, distort facts and peddle ineffective, dangerous drugs or vaccines as remedies for non-existing diseases.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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