Dolly Parton Opens Up With Both Barrels

Funny story written by Bureau

Sunday, 21 June 2009

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"Use Something Something Higher Up Than Your Boobs!"

Dolly Parton, known for her tremendous voice, chest and honesty says that today's young ladies in the entertainment business know almost nothing about "Business".

"I get so tired of these little girls in grown-up, enhanced bodies show their ass and forget that there is a wonderful world out here but you need a brain to go with the boobs", Dolly reportedly told the National Inquisitor yesterday.

And Dolly Parton knows what she's talking about.

Here's a great lady that came from one of the poorest sections of the United States and used everything she had to be more than a set of tits.

"All women have tits", stated Dolly. "And in today's world, all women can have them the size of mine."

"But let me tell you Honey, these bazookas take their cost in backaches and strained neck muscles. I see specialists about every other week now."

"But it's what'ss upstairs from the tits that make the difference, in your life and that of your family and friends."

Dolly, who is behind several charities that she usually won't talk about including seeing that every child in America has a book to read, has brought her fame and fortune back home to Sevier County in east Tennessee and created Dollywood, thereby putting hundreds of her people to work in the park.

"I was given a voice for a reason and everyone who knows me will tell you that I don't mind using it."

Dolly then stated that if these Hollywood and music ladies would get involved in something higher than the next party or man in their lives, they'd be so much happier than they seem to be now.

"If you love kids, start something that will help them. If you want starving people to have food, see to it that they get it."

"The more involved you are in helping your fellow man will add the most happiness and meaning to your life and you won't have time to feel sorry for yourself."

Dolly pointed out a program in Central America where you buy a lady there a flock of chickens. That gives her food to eat and soon, more than enough, and she can the pay back the money that was used to get her started. The charity then uses it to purchase a flock of chickens for another lady & on & on it goes.

"Just look it up on your computer. There are hundreds of ways to help others...and help yourself."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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