Written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 31 July 2009

image for Mick Jagger Leaves The Rolling Stones
An extreme close up of Mick Jagger's lips (photo courtesy of Condoleezza Rice).

LONDON - The BBC is reporting that the lead singer for the Rolling Stones Mick Jagger has decided to strike out on his own.

It seems that the 66-year-old Jagger got tired of hearing from his band mates that they were too tired to go on another 60-plus city world-wide tour.

Mick said that every time he would mention it to Keith (Richards), who is 65, he would say that he wasn't feeling too good, or that he was hungry, or that his guitar picking index finger was hurting.

When he would talk to Ron Wood, who is 62-years-old he would say that he was busy watching Monty Python's Flying Circus reruns or that he had to take his young girlfriend to the dentist to get her some braces.

Charlie Watts, the drummer said that he just got burned out on hotel rooms, hotel food, hotel drinks, and hotel groupies.

And Bill Wyman, who at 72, is the oldest Rolling Stone commented "Hey I am just much too damn old to be trapezing all over the friggin' world playing friggin' songs that I have played over 20,000 friggin' F'in times!"

So Mick Jagger decided to rent the Royal Albert Hall and he held auditions to form a backup band. He auditioned over 9,000 lead guitarists, bass guitarists, and drummers.

After three days of grueling auditions Mick Jagger picked the following for his new band which will be known as Mick Jagger & The Collagen Lips Band.

The new guitar player will be 27-year old Colin Kingsbridge of Liverpool, who was the lead guitar player for Wynonna's Drapes and Curtains Don't Match Worth A Royal F.

Mick's new bass player, a native of Cricklewood, will be Dash "Dot Dot" Dillingham who was half of the Dash Dot Dot & Dot Dash Dash brother and sister duet who won the talent shows Ireland's Got Talent and Iceland's Got Talent.

And the drummer for Mick Jagger & The Collagen Lips Band will be the phenomenal 19-year-old Zebulon Episcoletti, a studio drummer from Upper Clapton who has played on albums by such notable British bands as Banshee Bonnie & The Pathological Pudendas, Lord Sandwich & The Special Sauce Scoundrels, Little Glocky Poo & The Global Warming Bitches of Bristol, and Spearchunkin' Britney's You-Know-What.

Jagger told Seth Hugginbottom, a reporter for The Manchester Morning Monitor, that he is very pleased with his new band. He added that he guarantees that this group of musicians can kick any band's ass and have enough fight left over to tackle the damn freakin' North Korean army.

Mick said that he has completed writing the songs for the band's first album which he says will be named, The Long and Well Traveled Road To Labia Majora.



And speaking of traveling. The U.S. Department of Travel is advising travelers to stay away from Honduras because of the political turmoil, upheaval, and bedlam. They also warn to stay away from Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, and Detroit.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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