Although it is two days since he returned from the zoo, three-year-old Jacob still can’t decide on his favourite Penguin. Jacob’s Mum Elsie takes up the story ‘Jacob was in a bit of pickle when we asked him which of the Penguins he had seen was hi…
COLD VILLAGE, North Pole – A group of archaeologists from Zimbabwe recently made quite a discovery. The team of scientists traveled to the North Pole to study the migratory, dietary, and sexual habits of the Emperor penguins who are prone to havin...
UK Earthling Alien spotters, let out of local Loony Bins, swear they have spotted a UFO that landed on the Southern Atlantic island called, South Georgia. They spotted the strange shape on Google Earth and straightaway, President Trump told UK PM Ma...
People around the world are to be reminded today of the long neglected, and never mentioned Penguin, for January 20th is indeed Penguin Awareness day. The vicious vermin, known for their anti-social habits, and never appearing in any documentaries...
The US library and school authorities have decided to ban a book about gay penguins adopting a child because they feel it is damaging the reputations of penguins locked up in zoos! Similar to being incarcerated in San Quentin prison, where many ma...
BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS - Penguins have been spotted swimming in the icy coastal waters off Boston with a look of delight in their beady little eyes. Much to the delight of avid East Coast birdwatchers, it is suspected that the aquatic creatures, who...
The Church of England was left reeling yesterday after a vicar admitted to his flock he was actually descended from penguins. The news has sent shock ways across the church and the Archbishop of Canterbury is said to be mortified. Donald Crewston...
The Humboldt Penguin whose daring escape from Tokyo's Sea Life Park in March, which shocked the world, is now suspected of pranking Tokyo Zoo. The Penguin, named Penguin No.13, who looks no different that Penguins 1-12, threw himself over a 13 foot...
Police were called to the Mackerel Nightclub on King Street in London last night after three dozen penguins descended on the club and started causing a riot. "It was mayhem," said chief bouncer, Trevor "No Neck" Wetherspoon. "I was stopping this c...
Ever since NASA raced to put men in the moon, critics have been questioning the need for the space programme. No longer! Space boffins have finally silenced the nay-sayers by using satellite technology to find where penguins go to relieve thems...
King George Island, Antarctica - Bloated from gorging on krill and squid a colony of gassy Emperor Penguins may be behind the fire that's gutted a Brazilian research station in the Antarctic. Until this morning the Comandante Ferraz base was carry...
According to at least one school of thought, the thieving penguin on David Attenborough's BBC smash hit series 'Frozen Planet' was probably a Scouser. So says Donald Skoob, 93, a janitor at Salford University. Viewers of the nature documentary...
The "ice cold" truth about male gays, penguins that is, has now been witnessed in a Canadian zoo. After spending many warm winters snuggled up together, Pedro and his intimate buddy, Buddy, have decided to split up because a wretched female has enter...
TORONTO, Canada - The director of The Toronto Zoo, Pierre F. Toulouse has stated that a recent story about two gay zoo penguins has ignited quite a firestorm. Mr. Toulouse told Taffeta Kixx of iRumors that the zoo purchased two male African pengui...
Barney & Friends and Wizards of Waverley Place star Selena Gomez is a self-confessed "huge animal lover", writes Dick Palmer-Humbert, Desperation Correspondent. So it is perhaps ironic that she is very close, if not actually intimate, with "Ca...
Dear Scobie Breasley, are you able to put us in contact with other of your ilk, that is, Australian Jockeys of a certain age or era? It is always our goal to have these fellows stuffed and then lean them against one another all along my garden path (crazed-paved, quite the "yellow brick road", and cloche-lined ("I loath thy microscopic Crystal Palaces, Hereward, Hereward and Hereward", quoth Au...
Residents of Newby, Isle of Wight, recently heard that Tesco's have already put out Easter Eggs on their shelves. This 'dastardly deed' was carried out on Boxing Day. Newby residents don't seem to think of this as strange at all as new Mayor of Newby, Arthur Askme, said, "We folk of Newby always like to get an' ed start on thee 'olidays. What's the point o' waiting 'till last minute? Ou...
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