Indiana U. To Honor Michael Jackson By Changing The Name Hossiers To Moon Walkers

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 9 July 2009

image for Indiana U. To Honor Michael Jackson By Changing The Name Hossiers To Moon Walkers
The Indiana University Hip Hop/Rappin' Music Department Building (photo courtesy of Sir Paul McCartney).

BLOOMINGTON, Indiana - The Indiana University Dean of Athletics Barley W. Stanislaus has informed the media that the university will be changing the mascot name from Hossiers to Moon Walkers in honor of Michael Jackson.

Stanislaus said that they had really been wanting to change the name for the past five years, but that the IU Name Changing Committee could just not agree on a new name.

Names that had been bandied around included the Piranhas, the Triceratops, the Fugitives, and the Sardines.

Inertia Cavanaugh, a 2002 crop rotation graduate of Indiana U. said that she never really understood exactly what a Hoosier was.

She said that her step grandmother Biddy Beth Dungaree had told her that she thought that it was a type of female lingerie that women wore during World War 2.

1993 grad Gumwood Pennyweight who played on the 1993 championship Indiana team said that when his little 6-year-old nephew Tyrus asked him what a Hossier was he had to tell him that he didn't know.

Pennyweight said that it was downright embarrassing because little Tyrus asked him, "You mean to tell me Uncle Gummy that you can run up and down the basketball court slam dunking balls all the livelong day, but you don't even know what the name Hoosier on your jersey means?"

Another IU graduate Picaroon Beltkeeper, a 7 foot 1 Lithuanian Lit Major who graduated in 2008, said that his drama professor, Mrs. Fayetta Faye Bungalow had told him that a Hoosier was a mythical Egyptian oceanic character who looked like a racehorse, sounded like a great white shark, and smelled like an aged pelican.

Beltkeeper did volunteer the fact that Mrs. Bungalow was known to sneak a couple or five quick shots of Southern Comfort in between classes.

Dean of Athletics Barley W. Stanislaus has stated that the new team name Moon Walkers is presently being sewn on all of the Indiana University basketball jerseys, baseball shirts, football jerseys, badminton halters, and athletic supporters.

SIDENOTE: One of the IU Name Changing Committee members Fanzeen Mazola Panhandle, 83, wanted to honor Michael Jackson's memory by changing the Hoosiers name to the Thrillers. That idea was voted down by a single vote.

Panhandle's idea of calling the Indiana University cheerleaders the Billie Jean Girls was however overwhelmingly approved.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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