Smithfield, ND - It appears even our extraterrestrial overlords are feeling the crunch in these tough economic times, as they have begun charging for the return of persons abducted in rural areas.
"I got this call, and they were all like 'If you want to see your husband alive, you have to pay us seven million dollars. Six million if you want him returned unprobed," says local resitent Harriet Pogue.
"So of course I paid the extra money."
Victims and families of the victims of abductions have been petitioning the government for relief in the form of plasma blasters or government funds to cover the cost of the ransoms, but the government has responded, as always, by denying the existence of extraterrestrial life. Pressed for a quote, North Dakota Governor Randall Evans responded by saying:
"It's clear that their loved ones were abducted by weather balloons, or possibly swamp gas. We've made it clear time and time again that we will not negotiate with weather balloons."