Written by Skoob1999

Saturday, 4 July 2009

image for E.T. Arrested After Phoning Home
Your Mom Already Told You It's Fish Fingers Ya Dumb Bastard!

Brainless burglar Eric Twatt was arrested this evening after he burgled a neighbour's house, and whilst in the commission of the crime, used his victim's land line to call his mum to ask what was for tea.

Police officers made a call to the service provider and then asked the victims of the crime to point out any number they didn't recognise from an itemised printout.

The victims, co-habiting couple Eddie Hardwick and Connie Lingus, of Thatlooks Close, Buggerham, immediately singled out one number. That of Mrs Dora Twatt, mother of Eric Twatt, of Letsby Avenue, Buggerham.

"He phoned up to ask me what was for tea," Dora told us. "I told him it was fish fingers, them cheap ones you get at Lidl's. Next thing, police were knocking at t' door and they took him away in a straitjacket. After they'd tasered and maced him. It were reet shocking it were."

Twatt was caught in possession of a stolen rubber duck, a tin of golden syrup, and a plastic bag full of clothes pegs. He didn't resist arrest. Which in all fairness would have been difficult, having already been tasered for no good reason, and maced in the face.

"The Twatts are well known to us," Detective Chief Inspector Jack Pillock told us. "They're career criminals and we can sniff 'em out a mile off. The Twatts think they've got crime licked, but we're positive we've got the Twatts licked. This Twatt is just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of Twatts out there to be investigated. Given the size of our Deep Penetration Squad, we're confident we can tear the Twatts apart from the inside."

Connie Lingus was unable to comment as she had a mouthfull of cock when we called. Cock au vin or something. We don't understand it either but she seemed to be almost begging for more white sauce.

More dumb criminal related disasters as we get them.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Aliens, Criminal, phone




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