It's unlikely Parliament will ever be the same again after yesterday's revelation that three MPs are actually aliens in skin suits.
Alien hunter officals were alerted to this alarming discovery by an article in The Daily Telegraph detailing MPs expenses.
"We weren't half surprised when we read the papers," said Ian Cognito, 48, leader of the Alien Response and Surveillance Envestigators, "There it was, underneath the moat, a clear claim for three mind probes, a space ship and alien pornography. It shocked the life out of us."
Further investigation revealed claims for an army of mutant zombies and an inter-galactic satellite phone from another two MPs. A Mega-Gamma-Anihilation-Laser claim also incurred some anxiety, but it later turned out Mr Brown wanted that for purely terrestrial reasons.
The three main political leaders were left bewildered by these revelations, especially as each party contained an alien intruder. However, the ARSE team reacted quickly, and raided each house, only to discover the aliens had escaped in minature saucers (also claimed on expenses) and had fled to the South Pole, where their mutant zombie army is currently housed. UK forces are preparing to go after them, in what will truly be a titanic conflict.
"It'll be like War of the Worlds but in real life," joked one SAS troop, before taking a more serious note, "But no, we're scared, of course we are. But still, even if we lose, they're gonna make one hell of a video game out of it."