Kiptopeke, Va. - Two contestants of Nathans Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest struck the Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel around 6:30 this morning. The two were indulging in an early moring swim in an effort to burn off the extra calories they had acquired over the weekend.
The two contestants, Sean Portmenteau and Cletus Lavoyer, both of Baton Rouge, each weigh over 750 pounds. Witnesses stated that they perceived a mini-tsunami before the two actually hit the bridge. It is believed that the collision may have been due to fault goggles. Although their injuries seem to be minor - Mr. Portmenteau already had the nickname 'flathead' previous to the incursion, local hospital officials remain guarded in their assessment.
"Let's just say they're in critical condition and leave it at that," was the response of one such official. "Of any patients I've ever had come through my doors, these are the two least fit I've ever seen."
Although the bridge structure appears on the surface to be intact, engineers have been called in to do an inspection. As a result several lanes are closed to traffic. A further complication is the fact that many tour boats had surrounded the vicinity of the crash after someone had declared "two whales surfacing," around the time of the incident.