Written by Adam Click

Saturday, 4 July 2009

image for Teen Vampires Object to Religious Symbols At Graduation Ceremonies.
Gothic cathedrals are often chosen for graduation ceremonies in an attempt to placate teen vampires and their parents.

Hoboken, New Jersey-In what has become an increasingly common ritual, teenage vampires here have filed suit in federal court seeking to forestall what they say could spell certain doom: the requirement that they attend graduation ceremonies in church halls and chapels in those district where school auditoriums are not big enough to handle expected crowds. At issue are the presence of religious symbols commonly found in such places.

Sacred items are, by tradition, able to ward off vampires. For example: a crucifix, rosary, or holy water and other items. In addition, Vampires are said to be unable to walk on consecrated ground. This fact alone would make it difficult, if not impossible, for them to attend ceremonies held there, they contend.

The American Liberal Civility Union, an organization primarily composed of vampires and other un-dead beings, has taken up the cause saying, "No vampire should be forced to attend a ceremony in a location that may cause emotional or physical distress."

As graduation time approaches school boards across the nation are struggling with the issue. Some opting to forego any ceremony at all. Other's are attempting to placate teen vampires and their parents by choosing churches and other edifices of gothic design.

"There are no easy answers." Warren Zevon, School Board President of the Hoboken, New Jersey Unified School District said in a pre-dawn interview. "It's like the whole were-wolf issue all over again. No matter what we do, someone is either going to be very unhappy or seriously dead."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Religion




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