Shawn Johnson Wins "Dancing With The Stars"

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 20 May 2009

image for Shawn Johnson Wins "Dancing With The Stars"
Dancing With The Stars judge Carrie Ann Onaba watching the Venice Beach ducks.

HOLLYWOOD - In one of the most unbelievable upsets in the history of dancing, singing, or juggling, 2008 Olympic Women's Balance Beam Gold Medalist Shawn Johnson, who is only 17, has been crowned the "Dancing With The Stars" champion.

And no one was more surprised than her partner Mark Ballas. He kept saying that he should have bet on him and Shawn instead of betting $100 on Gilles Marini and $100 on Melissa Rycroft.

Tom Bergeron said that the voting was extremely close. Melissa received 2,189,023 votes, Gilles received 2,983,402 votes, and Shawn received 2,983,403 votes.

Judge Bruno Tonioli said that he overheard Melissa's partner Tony "Mr. Can't Take Criticism" Dovolani say that he was going to demand a recount.

He said that everyone figured that it would at least have been between Melissa and Gilles. He said that apparently Shawn not only got the olympic vote, and the teenage vote, but she got the national munchkin vote as well.

Carrie Ann Onaba, one of the judges said that she had bet her hairstylist, Mr. Bouffant of Venice Beach $1,000 that Gilles was going to win.

Tom Bergeron said that Tony was so upset that he went up to Mark Ballas and called him a Charlie Chaplin wannabe. Ballas didn't say a word; in keeping with his Chaplin personality.

Cowboy Ty Murray who was eliminated last week told co-host Samantha Harris that in reality he actually came real close to winning the whole enchilada since he always felt that he was way better than Shawn.

His wife, Jewel, said that she is going to demand that the show's producers go back and recount the votes because she truly feels that her husband should not have been eliminated.

Jewel says that she knows for a fact that Ty had all of the FFA (Future Farmer's of America) vote, the FPUDA (Future Pick Up Drivers of America) vote, and the SCMWA (Southern Cornbread Making Women of America) vote.

Ty added that he knows that everyone in the American Rodeo Association voted for him and he was told that just about every drugstore cowboy in the USA voted for him also.

Meanwhile, after the show, judge Len Goodman, host Tom Bergeron, and dancers Cheryl Burke, Edyta Sliwinska, and Lacey Schwimmer went to the Lady Godiva Strip Club in Santa Monica and helped Len celebrate his 102 birthday.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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