Boris Johnson's New Year's Resolutions 2009

Funny story written by Ben Macnair

Sunday, 28 December 2008


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Oh that Boris, he is great really. The best thing to happen to London in a long while..........

Boris Johnson's New Year Resolutions

· Have a good haircut
· Think of some brand new catchphrases
· Gosh
· Phwoar
· Crikey
· Make friends
· Stop taking David Cameron seriously
· Stop the Congestion Charge
· Get better at Wiff Waff
· Make proper friends with Barack
· Finish my collection of Colloquial poetry
· Finish the Dove Cote
· Finish War and Peace
· Start a War over Badminton
· Start taking Gordon Brown seriously
· Go for a month without appearing on the front
cover of Private Eye
· Start hosting Have I Got News for You, again
· Read of a sex scandal that does not involve me
· Read my Sister's books
· Finish the six books I still have to write
· Start writing for Cross Stitcher's Monthly magazine
· Finish my scale matchstick model of The London Eye
· Employ a Ghost Writer
· Have Piers Morgan over for Tea
· Have Max Clifford over for Tea
· Finish The Collected Diaries of Bagpuss (Reading)
· Finish The Collected Diaries of Boris Johnson
· Find the recipe for Battenberg Cake
· Find the lost Ark of the Covenant
· Ask Maggie Thatcher what Number 10 Downing Street
is really like inside
· Re-launch my own brand of biscuits
· Speak to the Ghost of Christmas Future about what
to do with the In-laws in 2009
· Get in training for Tiddlywinks in 2012 Olympics. I
just cannot let Tony Blair win, as he has been
threatening to.
· Gosh, Phwoar, Crikey
· Not to loose out as London Major
· Find a good Newt to give to Kenny, just so he might
forgive me for taking his job
· Get out more
· Stay in more
· Get to know my family, and what they want
· Get to know the people of London, and what they want
· Gosh, Crikey, Phwoar
· Be a bit more smug, but not like Davey C.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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