Revealed: Boris Johnson 'F-word tirade' at MP Keith Vaz

Funny story written by Mass debating

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

image for Revealed: Boris Johnson 'F-word tirade' at MP Keith Vaz

London Mayor Boris Johnson is alleged to have launched a tirade of f word abuse at Keith Vaz, the Labour chairman of the Commons home affairs committee.

The two clashed in a phone conversation after Mr Johnson gave evidence to the committee about a Tory MP's arrest.

Committee members say they were shown a transcript by Mr Vaz suggesting "the mayor used the F-word 10 times".

Mr Johnson's aides deny that he swore so many times, instead saying that he "once or twice used a term for a type of confectionery which is usually very sweet, extremely rich and sometimes flavored with cocoa. It is made by mixing sugar, butter, and milk and heating it to the soft-ball stage at 240 °F (116 °C), and then beating the mixture while it cools so that it acquires a smooth, creamy consistency.".

We can reveal the transcript of the telephone conversation.

BJ: Vaz, it's Boris.

KV: Boris, how are you?

BJ: Good. I'm eating fudge. Do you like fudge?

KV:… er yes.

BJ: What type of fudge do you like best?

KV: …I'm sorry.

BJ: Just answer the question Vaz. Fudge, what type of fudge do you enjoy the most or is that too difficult a question to answer?

KV: err… I don't know. Vanilla?

BJ: Lightweight. That's not even fudge, it's a band from the 60's. The sort of fudge someone like you would love would be a shit fudge one like toffee. Now about this…

KV: What do you mean. "I would like"?

BJ: You have no idea about fudge and when pressed you grasp at a common misconception. In matter of fact I put to you that you have never eaten, swallowed or bit into a stick of fudge.

KV: Boris, the relevance of this in light of our meeting at the commitee earlier is what exactly?

BJ: …. your mum's a lezzer (phone hangs up)

Our source asked to remain unknown and we cannot sustanciate these claims.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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