H1N1: Mexican Monarch Butterflies blamed for spreading influenza to US

Funny story written by Robert W. Armijo

Saturday, 2 May 2009

image for H1N1: Mexican Monarch Butterflies blamed for spreading influenza to US
Oh look! It's another Monarch on his way to his ancestral land, Aztlan!

Tijuana, Mexico - U.S. boarder patrol agents are armed with a new weapon to stop illegal crossing into the United Sates of America from Mexico: butterfly nets. With those nets in hand, boarder agents stand ready not only to stop illegal immigrants, but the Mexican Monarch butterfly suspected of carrying the H1N1 influenza as well.

"We know they're out there," said Sergeant Don Martinez, U.S. Boarder Patrol agent. "Its mostly a waiting game really. They wait for us to continue our patrol, moving further down the boarder, until we're out of sight and then they make their move and cross."

Meanwhile on the other side of the boarder, once every season when the industrial farmers, commercial nurseries and even home gardeners in the United States of America need their labor to pollinate their flora, the Mexican Monarch butterflies gather in small bands all along the boarder, waiting for the all clear sign from their coyote that eagerly awaits them on the other side hidden in the thick brush to aid them in making the hazardous passing.

"We're lucky," said one butterfly that spoke while sunning himself with others on a cluster of cacti. "Our coyote is a real coyote that keeps his nose to the ground and his eyes to the sky. My ancestors have made the crossing for thousands of generations with him. We all watched him grow up from a pup, you know."

However, despite having their seasoned coyote to aid them in their crossing to the mystical Aztlan, the Mexican Monarch Butterfly faces many hardships along their 1800 mile journey that many do not ever expect to return from.

"We all know for many of us this is our first and last trip," said one butterfly. "We just want to gather enough nectar to sustain ourselves and raise a family."

Suddenly the signal is given. A short yelp comes the other side of the boarder and the Mexican Monarch Butterflies leave the cluster of cacti all at once. Taking glorious flight, crossing into the United States of America to pollinate its flora, their ancestral journey begins.

"It's bad enough that they come here taking away cross-pollination jobs from our union American butterflies and teamster bumblebees, working for almost no nectar at all," said a spokesman for a nationalistic anti-Danaus plexippus hate group. "But now many of them are carrying the H1N1 virus, too. Who's going to pay their hospital bill when they sick? They're all just a burden on our social services."

Back on the boarder, things go very wrong for our little cluster of migrating Monarchs.

"I don't know what happen," said one of the butterflies caught in the nets of the U.S. boarder patrol agent. "I guess we mistook the yelp we all heard for our coyote, but it turns out it was a stray dog."

It is uncertain if any of the Mexican Monarch butterflies tested positive for the H1N1 virus, or even if they will be tested. The only thing that is certain is that pins will be stuck in them; they will be mounted behind glass and put on display for all to see as an example.

"We haven't come to ask you for your permission to cross your boarder, for it has crossed us!" yelled out a defiant Monarch, vowing that one of his ancestors will return next season and make it across to their ancestral land, Aztlan. "You cannot stop us no more than you can the wind!"

Years later, facing a boarder now guarded by giant windmills blowing in their direction and a net reaching up as far as the eye could see into the air and all along the boarder, a small cluster of Monarchs gather on the same cacti as generations before.

"Well," said one little Monarch over the yelps of a coyote echoing in the distance from the other side. "Any suggestions?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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