A cult in Pigfart on the Thames has begun preaching its apocalyptic dogma at airports, ship piers and helicopter and hovercraft docks across the UK.
The religious community's prophet, Olde Nasty Git claims to have had a vision in which the deceased Jade Goody appeared to him and revealed that she had been infected with Swine Flu.
Ms Goody explained that God gave her the option of being cured of the malady or dying as a sacrificial victim on behalf of the her own innumerable sins and the relatively less severe malefactions of the rest of humanity.
Prophet ONG now teaches the revelation of Saint Jade Goody and exhorts all of humankind to accept the forgiveness for their sins and protection from the swine flu bought at a price by the sacrificial death of martyr Goody. A share in the redemptive graces of the 21st century Big Brother star can be purchased on eBay.
