Barack Obama joins the Trappist monks

Written by matwil

Friday, 17 April 2009

image for Barack Obama joins the Trappist monks
The Trappist Monastery of the Silent President

American President Barack Obama today joined the Trappist Monks, monks who take a vow of silence.

Long before he was elected he began practicing not saying anything, beginning with complete silence over a world event that not only every politician except him was talking about, but so was every human being on the planet.

Yes, the murderous assault and war crimes of Israel against the largely innocent Palestinian civilian population became his first subject to remain silent about - quite a feat, given that the USA sends millions of dollars' worth of weapons to Israel every year.

To prepare himself for becoming a Trappist he began saying less and less about other topics, condensing them into catchphrases and slogans like 'Yes we can!', and 'Israeli Nazis!', though he never managed to say the second one, due to a throat infection just at the time when the Israeli Air Force was destroying hospitals and schools and killing children across the Gaza. But once he was elected, he took his vows and became totally silent.

When visiting Turkey, a country that practices genocide against Kurdish people, he managed to not say a word about that, though out of habit a slogan came out of his mouth - 'The US is not at war with Islam' - causing much laughter amongst Turks, as the previously-thought intelligent President had said this slogan in a country where Islam has absolutely zero influence on that country. Soon after that he managed to stay silent again, as American ships were attacked across the Red Sea and American sailors were held to ransom by pirates.

And as more Americans died in Iraq and Afghanistan, his silence held strong, and people were wondering what the point of having a Trappist President really was. But the President took time out from his vow of silence to say this:

'Yes we can, no I can't, no I can't. The point here is not that I never say anything, the point is, and we have come this far to point out this point, is that as there's no point in me avoiding every issue I can, I may as well stay silent rather than insult the intelligence of any adults listening to my childish soundbites. Yes you can ignore me', and with that Obama retired to a monastery to meditate on what the actual point of American Presidents really is.

A passing Trappist monk was unavailable for comment, but managed to use sign language to say 'No point at all.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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